100 days (and nights!)

It's been forever since I posted and given the nature of my last few posts, one could assume that I didn't make it out of those first few weeks alive. But I did. Things have gotten much better, which is not to say that it's easy, just that it's better. Example: I actually smile and sing along to the radio on the way home from school... most days.

Today we celebrated the 100th day of school.

Wow.

That means I've made it through 100 days of teaching, sometimes babysitting, my students. But really, I haven't missed a day of school yet (knock on wood!) so I've been there for every. single. last. day. And I've made it through more then 100 nights of lesson planning, research, and anxiety. 100 days is a really long time when you think about it, but then again, I can't believe that 6 months have already flown by. To commemorate this milestone, we focused all our activities around the theme of 100 days of school. In the morning we read a book about Fancy Nancy's 100th day of Kindergarten and then made 100th day of school crowns, which the whole class (including me!) wore proudly the whole day. Last night I downloaded the app agingbooth to my ipad and today I used it to take pictures of my students and turn them into old people! It was hilarious! The kids got a huge kick out of it and they were so stinking cute too! (I wish I could post some pictures but I can't post images of my students without their parent's permission...) After lunch we jumped for 100 seconds (twice!) and then counted to 100 on our hundreds charts. In the afternoon we made lists of things we would want 100 of and a list of things we would not want 100 of. My students liked making these lists and some of their answers made me laugh. About 5 of my kids said that they would want $100 and one smarty said he wanted "100,000 monies!" For things they would not want 100 of, one of my kids said skunks (which I agreed with), another student said she wouldn't want 100 clothes to which another student responded, "you need clothes silly!" Ahh 5-year-olds... After that we had centers activities all about 100 - putting 10 'scoops' [read: paint circles] of ice cream on 10 ice cream cones, using 100 stickers to fill in 100 circles, connect the dots 1-100 (yikes!), making a fruit loop necklace (which ended up being bracelets with no where near 100 fruit loops on it...oops) and a color-by-object picture for 100 objects. The kids loved it and were so good! I think their favorite activity of the day was the last one though - the 100 item snack mix. I brought in gummy bears, teddy grahams, marshmallows, m&ms, cheerios, sugar-crunch cereal squares, dots candy, goldfish, chocolate cheerios and raisins (10 snacks in all!). Each student came up and get 10 of each snack and then lined them up on their hundreds chart. When they were finished they put them into a baggie and got to take it home! It was so much fun and so yummy!

But honestly, today was a God-send. Yesterday I was doubting my effectiveness as a teacher and was extremely frustrated that my students' behaviors had seemed to stop improving. I felt like I was slipping backwards and that my students should be behaving much better by now. "When I see Mrs. Hull's students in the hallway, none of them still spin in circles the whole way to the bathroom..." "When Mrs. Carroll has a sub her students still sit quietly and do their work..." Today left me feeling much better. I got to see my students extremely engaged in an activities they enjoyed, I got to watch my students follow my directions (most of the time) and understand the rewards of following those directions (candy and fun activities!), and I got to laugh and talk with my students. The thought that lingered in my head today was much more positive than yesterday: "I wish every day could be this good."

And after more reflection I though, "Why couldn't every day be as good as this day?" I realized that the only thing stopping me from that wish was me and my administration's daily academic schedule. Although I cannot control the administration or the daily academic schedule, I can control my actions within my classroom (mostly). It is going to take a lot of effort on my part (4-hours-of-sleep nights here I come!), but I am going to try. Even then, I might not get it right, but I have to accept that that's okay. I am only a first year teacher and I need to remind myself not to compare my classroom to the classrooms of veteran teachers to harshly...they most likely had their fair share of imperfections their first year too. I can, and certainly will, strive for the same rigorous expectations as they have, I just need to learn not to beat myself up when I don't always meet those expectations. That won't help my sanity, and most importantly, it won't help my babies.

And after all, they are the reason I actually get out of bed every morning (I am NOT a morning person). No matter how crazy they drive me, no matter how many times I wonder why I do this job, no matter how many times I doubt my own abilities as a teacher, no matter how many times I feel I have failed, I can never give up. There is always a day that comes along that reminds me why I teach and why I could never be satisfied with any other job. I love my babies and I know that they love me too, it's just that sometimes the ones that need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving of ways. To the remaining days of school: bring it on.